'Twas Fun While It Lasted

Today, It snapped.

Although I was aware of  the frailty and brevity of Its "life," I was still taken aback. Of all places, of all times, of all moments, It chose to snap when I wasn't looking, when I was unaware.

It snapped days after it sinked in me that I wasn't getting any nearer, that I wasn't getting anywhere. This would have been a perfect time, as if God, or someone else who controls the littlest details in this universe, cued for his Angels, or whomever, to cut It to make me realize how fruitless that path was, and I'd have to switch gears soon.

Though I would love to continue Its advocacy, I realize the attachments I gave to It shackled me in a way that made it hard for me to let go. With It around my wrist, I was constantly reminded of all the things I could not achieve, I could not have, and all the things I gave more priority to. It reminded me of weaknesses I could not strengthen, vices I could not avoid, flaws I could not straighten out, desires I could not simply ignore, and memories I could not forget.

Sadly, it reminded me of my personal commitment, obviously one-sided, to all things connected to that past.

Now my wrist is left bare--without that familiar band encircling me, keeping all my emotions in check. It has left a white discoloration on my relatively darker complexion--a constant reminder that It may have snapped and that I had to move on but there's nothing wrong with missing Its presence for in Its existence I experienced a different joy in my heart that never fails to put a smile on my face once remembered, a feeling that I chose, sadly, never to feel again.

The Universal Language

If it's any worth to you, or to anyone, because it is of no use to me... uhh, well, most of the time... I know how to curse in four different languages. And that's not because I Google-Translated cuss words in these languages.

Filipino
English
French
Russian

The most memorable (in a not-so-good but funny way) experience I had with cursing was when I was around 10 or 11 years old. My youngest brother James was annoying me--this has become his natural-born talent--and I just had to do something. So yes, I uttered--no, shouted at him, the words, "Fuck you" as he ran away just as I was asking him to ran an errand for me. My baptism of fire, my red test, so to speak.

Upon hearing the F word come out of my young mouth, what my brilliant mom did was this: she called me back into the house, (The way she said, "Joann pumasok ka nga dito sa loob" gave me the [correct] idea that I was in big trouble.) and asked/ranted about what I said and why I said it. Then, (Surprise! Surpise!) she asked me to get our bulky and dusty Webster's Dictionary--because she knew how I loved that piece of shit--and made me look for the words I just uttered. (Surprise! Surprise!) The word "Fuck" cannot be found anywhere in that heavvyyy peace of shit. Moral lesson, as my mom pointed out, that word was so bad, it meant so bad, that it was not fit to be learned and used by an educated person. Let alone a child of my age.

This experience made me shun the "F" word for the most part of my growing years. In high school though, I opted to use and curse (still) in English rather an in Filipino because it sounds less... vulgar. Words like "shit" and "fuck" and "fudge" became staples in my vocabulary as the years went on. I even used "shit", "oh fuck" and "fucker" more than "oh god" or variations thereof.

But I became inclined to using the Filipino language more because I acquired the belief that it was "so conyo" to use English words as cuss words. So, "gago" and even "puta" slowly became part of my everyday words. Though I still have some reservations for using "putang-ina" or "tang-ina" because I think/believe that the more frequent I use these words, the more times I drag my mom's name (and all other mothers' names) into something bad--shameful, even.

I learned to curse the Russian way (Yeb vas) from Nelson DeMille's book "Lion's Game" (in the book though, "Yob vas" was used). Yeah, one of the many Joys of reading. *wink* These two simple Russian words might come in handy, as Russians are known to be un-hospitable, indifferent and, to some point, rude. I'm ready for you, Klaus, Boris, and Natasha. Ha ha ha

Come senior year in UP, I learned how to curse in French during the very first meeting of French 10. AND I learned to curse in 3 different ways: Va te faire foutre, Va te faire enculer, and Putain. I believe these are very handy phrases/words to know. It is for those Emergency/I-need-a-backup-plan moments when you find yourself in a sticky encounter with the French-speaking population (which is btw, an enormous number) and you feel the need to curse. He he

Still, nothing beats the old but trusty way of getting messages, whether pleasant or hateful, across using the language almost everyone understands... body language. I have yet to use this language though because I find it rather offensive. You see, I'm a visual person.

So, what does this mean? Does my extensive *ehem ehem* knowledge on cuss words and cursing in different languages reflect to a violent, war-freak behavior? I hope not. To be honest, I'm trying not to curse too much and/or just utter these phrases in vain, in pain--or whatever. And to be more perfectly honest, I haven't said the Russian and French versions to any human/living being. Nor have I used, as pointed out, body language towards anyone to convey my message of hate.

Let me be clear that I do not encourage anyone or everyone to curse all they like because I think this is a bad habit I need to shun to be become a real Christian.

I think the knowledge of these words provide me some sort of security (albeit rather shallow or superficial, depending on your views) that in case someone of whatever nationality harasses me or does something I do not like, I can say it straight in their faces, in a language they could understand.

Be it in Filipino, English, French, Russian or plain old "giving (them) the finger."