This all started with the thought that around the same time two years ago, I was at another coffee shop, along Matalino Street, reviewing for the Bar Exams. At that time, I was less than a month away from the first of four Sundays of back-to-back same-day exams. I was both dreading and wishing for NovemBAR to come. Just to get it over with.
Fast forward to two years later. I am currently a Court Attorney; doing the things I love and genuinely have passion for. Those two years went by fast--faster than what I'm used to, actually. Those two years were the most eventful two years of my life. (Maybe next to the time I learned to eat solids, speak, walk, etc., but I digress.)
Yes, I felt a rollercoaster of emotions from October 2015 to October 2017. Yes, I achieved a life long dream. Yes, I got all the material things (read: sneakers) I wanted. But not all those 24 months were perfect. There were a lot of struggles and lessons learned the most painful way.
But what I am most happy and thankful for those 24 months is that I (subconsciously) used those months wisely to be closer to my life goal. Which is, ultimately, To be happy.
It may seem simple. A life contained in three words, nine letters. But juskolorde it was my most difficult goal (yet), in my entire 27-year existence.
Despite the acknowledgement that being happy was a herculean task, I realized as I reflected yesterday, that I am genuinely happy. I am definitely happier now than I was two years ago.
This realization struck me hard; so hard I had to pause and reflect for another extra hour.
My process of getting here was arduous; painful even. First, there was the difficulty of (finally!) accepting the harsh and hurtful truth that I was not happy. That I needed to do something. Anything to get out of the rut I was in. Next came the longer process of finding out what my idea of happiness is. Then, the realization that being happy will require a certain kind of selfishness on my part. To want that happiness for myself, no matter how seemingly difficult it could be for loved ones. Then came the realization that life is short, and that we shouldn't waste it on doing things we don't want to do or trying to gain the favor of people that do not matter. And lastly, having the resolve to actually take risks in pursuit of happiness. All that.
Because of the difficulty I encountered getting here, I am grateful for many things. For a loving and patient family. For trustworthy and kind friends. For inspiring heartbreaks. For little victories that the Universe and God throw my way every so often, and always when I needed it most. For having the faith that all will be well; that life is not always going to be as bleak as it was then.
For not succumbing to darkness. For always, always seeing the light.
October 11 is also a celebration of a couple of things other than my personal realizations. Coincidentally these are: the birthday of my first real love, the international day of girls, and the national celebration of freedom and individuality.
Unfortunately, October 11 was also a reminder of how overwhelming darkness can be for some people. That not everyone is as blessed as I was to see the light just before I succumbed to darkness.
The uncertainty of life is scary. I agree. One hundred percent true. Even the permanency of this state of happiness I am in is uncertain. Is there a way to avoid uncertainty? In this world, no, there isn't. But is there a way to
I am eternally grateful to have timely discovered the way. And to realize its effects today.
So, to everyone who inspired me to want to be happy, to work towards my three-word, nine-letter life goal, and from the bottom of my happy, contented heart: Maraming salamat.
11 October 2017 was definitely a good day.