HELL YEAH

HELL YEAH

17 November 2009


No matter how hard I try to imagine winning over the would-be make-or-break moments of my life, and no matter how badly I wanted to react with instinct and irrationality (and everything else that is needed to do that one thing I wanted), I think it will all boil down to one thing: doing what is right.

I came this l l close to one of those make-or-break scenarios I've thought about... about a few weeks ago. To cut the long and controversial story short, when the opportunity presented itself in the most mundane and straightforward way than I could have imagined, I chose the right way.

In this post be reminded that:
Right = safe

In that crucial moment when I was asked in front of the most intimate friends to do that one thing I would have loved to try--no one else knew how badly I wanted to say "yes" easily but I had to act unfazed, of course--I said, "No." Well not a verbatim "no" but something to that effect. Why? Because during those crucial moments of hold-your-breath two-second silence, my mind fastforwarded to the next minute, the next day, and hell, even the next months if I did reply "Hell yeah" to that question. I thought of the consequences, all negative of course to convince myself it wasn't worth it, that a "yes" would have brought to everyone--considering the "haziness" of everything, of everyone.

To say more about that make-or-break moment would be close to revealing its nature and the circumstance/situation that happened--and I'd rather not do that. Because really, as I think of it, even if I blog/rant about "emotional" and non-emotional moments in my life, I still TRY to maintain a tinge or a hint of vagueness. (See the Headlights and Deer series.)

Now, of course, I feel that "Sayang" feeling everybody has after turning their back on something that they have wanted for so long yet has to say "no" to just because. But let me say this, if and when that moment presents itself in whatever manner possible/imaginable, I would definitely, without blinking, say, HELL YEAH. Just because.