When dealing with goodbyes--from the usual parting of ways after a class or the more emotional parting of ways for a long period of time--I either walk away without any hint or drama or I raise a hand in a semi-wave and utter a simple, "Bye." In moments when I'm feeling friendly I add, "Ingat"---but believe me those moments are rare.
Case 1. Saying goodbye to my all-time favorite teacher, my high school Algeb teacher Ms Ramos. With her, Math wasn't so confusing. I remember I sort of self-dedicated the song "Hands to Heaven" to her. We were too mushy that we exchanged hankies on her surprising (because she had to leave our school to teach in another school, mid-school year) last day in school, as if that was enough to keep our bond. Well maybe it was.
That was in third year.
Sadly, I was not able to maintain communication with her as much as I keep the hanky up to now. :/
Case 2. Saying goodbye to a dear friend. Our friendship, no matter how I hard I tried to keep it from sinking or whatever, was reduced to a goodbye hug in front of KFC-Taft/Faura at about 11pm. It was surreal, like in a movie. But the pain, the sadness, the regret was always as real as real can be. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Case 3. Saying goodbye to our decade-old dog, Lupin. I'm not much of a pet/animal person but I was saddened, more than I expected, when I found out that he was already dead when I came home after two weeks of not doing so because of the gazillion stuff I had to read for law school. And what makes it sadder was that I was unable to see him before he passed away, as if me seeing him would change the fact that he's dead now.
I guess all the sadness I have equated with saying goodbye, whether temporary or permanent, manifests in: 1) my choice not to look into dead people's caskets, and seeing their faces. I choose to remember people the liveliest way I can rather than their latest "look" before they passed away; 2) my penchant to avoid hospitals--either being confined in one or visiting a loved one; 3) my constant efforts to avoid wakes and funerals, the last wake and funeral I attended wholeheartedly because I was really close to the deceased was my Tita's--and that was when I was around eight or nine years old; and 4) my super conscious effort to stay away from horror films. I vowed Kris Aquino's Feng Shui to be my last.
As the saying goes, The only things that are constant in this world are death and taxes. And since I have yet to become a taxpayer--I'm sort of not looking forward to that--I guess I have to learn to grapple or deal with death, or goodbyes, for it is here to stay.... even longer after I have left.
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