Dear Astronaut Food

Jonathan Lethem on "astronaut food":

"Stuff in little packets that you keep lying on the shelf. Everyone has some lying around. Or, the person you imagine you might be with but you know you never really will be. The people who if you're in a relationship but you're a little bored or restless you meet them for coffee a lot and the other half in the relationship isn't really thrilled about it. Or if you're single, they're the people you're keeping on a mental list just so you don't feel like there aren't any possibilities. Friends who are more than friends but really, they are friends." (You Don't Love Me Yet)

-------------

Though people sense it at a certain level that they're your astronaut food, nobody wants to be told. Because, in a way, it bursts the bubble of thrill. Sometimes people act like they're only an astronaut food but really has hopes of something better/more. Because of the fear of rejection that in one way/degree or another, I think, we all have.


Only if everyone agrees that they're mutual astronaut food.


So to everyone who feels they are someone else's Astronaut Food, let me advise you. If you feel that you are somebody else's astronaut food, be nice to that person. He/She needs you but time, circumstances and hindrances prevent them from making you more than their astronaut food. These factors mentioned, most of the time, control this person's actions. He/She maybe helpless, and afraid to get out of the four walls of safety he/she have secured himself/herself in. Please understand that being someone's astronaut food does not make you any less important. If anything, it only means you can't be eaten (we're talking about food anyway) regularly. But you are loved, you are appreciated, you are needed. You being someone's astronaut food may appear to be a selfish decision but understand that it is not. Finally, let me remind you, dear astronaut food, the minute you sense you are someone's astronaut food, please don't deprive that person of your presence, your smile, your company. It is all that he/she is asking.


----------------------
This is why I love allusions and metaphors.

Malice in Wonderland featuring Dorian Gray

As promised, here is my blog entry on I-hope-you-don't-know-who.

Trivia/Pop quiz: What do Lewis Carroll and Oscar Wilde have in common? Um, to those literature freaks or avid "classic" book reader, maybe you know. But if you don't, Google it. (Haha, I should be paid by Google for advertising.)

I don't mean to ridicule Oscar Wilde's (nor Lewis Carroll's)

famous novel but here is my take/description on Dorian Gray:

- Before we start, the name is pronounce with a silent 'r' (like how you pronounce 't' in buffet).

- He has a fake British accent.

- He is gay, and so proud of it that he out-ed himself in our class using Young Charmides. (using PINK paper as handout at that!) -This description is supposed to come at the latter part of the list but I just can't keep myself from saying, or rather, typing it.

- He loves wearing tight shirts, cargo pants and sneakers with either a big backpack or equally big body bag.

- He is a Labor (pronounced the Filipino way) baby. He knows of flying buttresses and has done a play. (Gets?)

- He wanted his character to hit on Oedipus (or the reallife counterpart, I am not sure), in our play.

- He makes great scripts with absurd ideas and wisecrack (and I say offending) jokes.

- And, he comes in always late and . . . sweaty. (Elaine this one is for you!)

Okay, by now, you may know that this is not the real Dorian Gray as in the novel. This is the, um, contemporary version. (haha, pun and inside joke rolled into one.)

If you still don't know the answer to the pop quiz above, I'll tell you personally or, um, PM me. The matter is too delicate to discuss. (haha)

I hope, for CAS people, you won't realize who this is, because if you do, I'm in big trouble.

______________________________________

Don't get me wrong here. We (Elaine and I) love him that it hurts. Actually si Elaine lang. Blogging about him is actually her idea. Everywhere we go/turn we see something that can be attributed to/has something to do with him, from book titles to movie titles to Mr. Bean. And to commemorate his profound (!) effect on our lives, we named Tuesdays as "____ (his name here) Day" (for Elaine) and "Gay Awareness Day" for me. He is surely one colorful, ehem, manly gay man.

Google exercise, kids.

Try this. Go to Google, type "___(your name here) likes to" then search. You'll find the hits interesting and fun. Parang pseudo-split personality. Basta. Try niyo kung hindi kayo busy. =D

*Got the idea from Kuya Robert, who got it from someone. Chain, chain, chain.

Here are mine, to those who are interested:

Jo Ann likes to shoot. -at people, no. As in camera.-
Jo Ann likes to mix up craft techniques and materials in many of her projects. -Um, partly correct, haha-
Jo Ann likes to spend time with her grandchildren, to garden, to ski and to travel. -grandchildren?? Hala. To graden??? I don't have a green thumb!-
Jo Ann likes to write skating coaches at the Skating Coaches e-mail mailing list. -Ano raw?-
Jo Ann likes to dance, walk 5k, walks for charity, do water aerobics, drive her new 2004 GTO and drive her boyfriend's Harley morotcycle. -athletic!-
Jo Ann likes to go shopping with her daughters and granddaughters. -granddaughters again.-
Jo Ann likes to pick up. -People, no. Kalat siguro pwede pa.-
Jo Ann likes to play with recipes and ingredients. -Hindi ako marunong magluto, naman. Prito pwede pa. =D-
Jo Ann likes to see a photo of granny while she works on the data. -GRANNY HIT NO. 3-
Jo Ann likes to boast that she is "pointifically infallible," that she can find and correct errors in the (seemingly) most pristine of texts. -In short, mahilig pumuna. tsk.-

Korean experience

To those who take time to read my blog *thank you, by the way* you'll notice or have observed by now but refuse to comment on it, or say it directly, that I blog about, generally, serious things. Or if not, I write about a, um, simple thing then connect it to or find it's "deeper, hidden" meaning.

Pero now, since it's Easter *koneksyon??* magkukwento na lang ako.

Kahapan, black saturday, my sister, my mom and I went "dress-hunting" for my sister's graduation dress. We don't do this usually. In fact, we do it, rarely. (Si Ate lagi, haha.) Nagpunta kami around Makati/glorietta/greenbelt/PSone area, kasi she wants to. Demanding. So yun, pumunta kami, naghanap, pero after three hours, wala pa rin. =D She takes forever finding a shirt, so what will I expect with a dress.

I don't really care with the stress, endless walking and all. Kasi kumain naman kami. *Haha, patay gutom* Relatively new place, Spaghetti Factory. Sana may ganito sa Rob kasi medyo masarap yun food. Pero hindi ko macompare sa TOSH kasi, um, nakalimutan ko na ang lasa ng TOSH. haha. WHAM-baby na kasi ako. Haha.

Corny. Haha, anyway.

Sa SM, bumili ang nanay ko ng regalo para sa baptism na a-attend-an ng tatay ko *with her, of course*. Ayun, may Koreana, actually tatlo sila. Relatively, old, parang mommies andf daddy. Nakapila siya in front of me. Eh ayaw gumana ng card (as in credit card) niya, she got mad. Tas, she tried swiping it, by herself. Then, wala pa rin. she tranferred to another counter, really mad. As in nagsimulang magsalita in Korean *yun ba tawag sa language nila?* tapos directing her harsh-sounding "comments" to all the employees there who gathered to watch the "fiasco". Pinoy nga naman, haha.

So yun, sa sobrang asar ng nanay ko she said, with all the taray/catty-ness she could muster, "Speak in English they won't understand you". Ohaa. The Korean Brat stopped speaking her Korean utterances, and just talked to the cashier. Ping, score one for Flora.

'Yun lang actually ang point ng blog na 'to. Moral of the story: Don't cross my mom. Haha, joke lang. Seriously, don't shout at us Filipinos, you Koreans! You're just invading our country. Yes, my mom loves watching your countless drama series-es but that doesn't mean you have the right to be harsh, or act like stars here or as if you own our country.

Go away, aliens.

By this, I declare, Sir E, I hate Koreans. Yes, including you *if you continue to declare yourself as one*.

Surprises, Ironies and Coincidences

My eldest sister (she's the only sister I have, by the way) has been bugging me for ages to blog about her. This interest of hers in what I think of her was started by the blog I wrote on my mom. My sister felt that she "deserves" the same, well, compliment.

I've never written anything about my sister, really. Because I belive there's not much to write about (haha) or I don't think about her that often.

Ate, since you're graduating this March (you should, of course!), I'm writing about you, finally.
----------------------------------------------

Just as I was wallowing myself in self-pity (i.e. ranting to myself how freaking weak I am in terms of "expression", figuratively-speaking), my sister gets hold-upped (?) for the second time. (This happened last week, I think.)

What was surprising about this, then, if its the second time? Answers: 1) She has been hold-up-free for three-sems-in-a-row, and 2) she thought that she was going to graduate from such "fates" as well; 3) she was utterly clueless (she didn't whip out her phone and texted away, like she always does); 4) her, ehem, companion had a relatively new (read: expensive) phone; and 5) she was ironically asking for a new-er one upon graduation.

Flashback: My sister, whose name is Jane by the way, when compared to me and my younger brothers, is the most materialistic. I'm not saying she's dense or whatever. I'm just saying that she gets attached to things too much. To cite an example, she keeps all her English and Science (her favorite subjects, apparently) notebooks from Grade Three to college! She's that sentimental. To add, she keeps (or kept) a whole bouquet of roses instead of just one petal or a stalk; she keeps all the letters and notes she has received since her first letter, whether random or important, she keeps them all.

So I know that when she loses something, even just a hanky, she gets pained. I often spite her because of this "attachment" but she just dismisses me with a sarcastic "Nye."

And just as she was retelling the New Hold-Up Story (hehe) for the nth time, she started "devising" theories or observations to explain the occurrence of the incident, and answer the age-old question "Why me?". Her most "credible" theory is that: All the phones that my father gave her for her birthday gets stolen or robbed. My counter-theory: She gets robbed or hold-upped when she's with a guy. I mean, she's always with someone but in both situations, she's with a guy, ehem, companion. Talk about coincidence.

To say that she was affected with the "demise" of her phone is an understatement. This incident sort of "triggered" the other fears she have been feeling and trying to fight, within herself. Coincidence? I think not. God wanted her to realize that such material things are, well, immaterial because they come and go; they lose or depreciate in value.

To cut a long and emotional story short (haha, sorry Ate), she was, um, rocked to her core. She started feeling down and started asking us (my mom and me) why she is always the victim of such harsh crimes even if she prays, a lot. The talk even reached to the point that she didn't want to walk on stage anymore when she graduates.

Being the positive-thinker that my mom is, she told Ate that she should rather be thankful that no further harm was done. She wasn't hurt, scathed or worse killed. But still, my sister is bothered. Add to her existing woes, she's a little worried with the upcoming nursing board exams. Yes, it is still months away. But as early as January, I think, she has been worried. She's afraid to fail, literally and figuratively. She is afraid to fail the exams, and in turn, fail my parents and relatives, and a whole lot of people who expects a lot from her. (You know being panganay and all.)

But, Ate, failing is not entirely failure. In fact, it strengthens one's character. And if you do fail, though with God's grace you won't, Mama and the whole family is here to support you, defend you. Even Limboy.

I'll stop before it gets mushier.

I'll end this by quoting a passage from Hebrews 11, "Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see." Have faith that with God's grace and your hardwork, you will pass. Not only this exam (and others as well) but other more important, harder tests in life.

And I do hope you'll realize that you are, in more ways than one, blessed.


(Happy graduation, Ate. Love you. Naks naman, mushy.)

Of the many things I learned from Socio...

the lesson last Thursday was the one made me say, "Aray," and kept me thinking about it, and of me, days after. Even up to now.

It is highly unusual for me to remember a thing, moreso a lesson, until weekend. Yes I am GC, according to lots of people, and masipag to the point that makes others envious or "hate" me, but I rarely value/ponder on an "academic" bit of information if not needed.

But my Socio professor, as usual, got me thinking. Our class under him is every Thursdays from 5:30-8:30 pm.Yes, PM. Still, he keeps me awake all thoughout the whole thing. As in, three hours straight. If that's not enough to convince how good he is, he discusses things that are about Sociology but in the end you realize that you're thinking of yourself. Reflection time.

So. What exactly did I "learn"?

In the world of postmodernism, we should accept and adapt to every new thing that comes our way. Because if we don't, the world won't wait for us. That in these changing times, we need to accept (and not judge) an individual by the character he chooses to "pose" or project to the society because that's what he wants. And no explanation should be asked, or be given. Since everything's postmodern
.
To those who don't know/observe it yet, my friends say that I am homophobic. I always have this comment on gays, in particular. Gay classmates, gay strangers, gay celebs, gay teachers, guys that I think are gay, and so on. I have this so-called fixation on judging whether this guy (usually from school) is gay or not. Whether he has both feet dangling over the edge, or just half. As if being gay was like falling off a cliff. And I get a thrill (?) upon knowing that the guy I believe to be gay is, in fact, gay. It's like hearing my brain go chi-ching! (like a cash register) upon every confirmation. It's an addition, I feel, to my prominence as a gay-guessing-individual, and I feel my gay-predicting skills improved with every guess proved right. I pride myself on having awesome gaydar.

My Socio professor's parting words to the class, as he ended, hit me. Every word. I realized that I shouldn't have these comments and what-nots on gay guys, and homosexuals in general. That I should stop being pseudo-conservative. And just accept. Accept that the world and society is changing, and if I don't learn to accept these changes, they wouldn't wait for me. I'd be left rotting in a place (with all my conservative/traditonal views) where everyone has passed, and gone forward.

Losing my qualms, reservations and homophobia (if I really have one) is hard. As always, I rely on time to help me. And for God to make me a better, non-judgmental individual that he wants me to be.

Cybersuicide

To borrow from Hamlet (I think): "To kill or not to kill, that is the question."

Last Saturday I read Pepe Diokno's article in PhilStar's Supreme fold (which, I think, is by far the BEST feature of the said paper). Yes, you guessed it right. It's on cybersuicide. I'm against plagiarism so I'm citing him. ;D

Well, cybersuicide, by the word itself, means, quite literally, killing yourself cyber-wise. It's when you DELETE all sorts of online accounts you have. Like the "biggest network" Friendster, Multiply, Facebook, LiveJournal, and even, Blogger and Wordpress. As in, everything. And to stretch it, you google yourself and try to delete every ounce of reliable information the Internet has on you. Thus, after it, you declare yourself, dead.

Pepe Diokno did the same thing because, as his article implies, he broke up with someone and just a few weeks after, he sees the girl in the arms of a "scrawny (expletives deleted) young man". And because booze and friends could not provide enough solace to forget this certain girl, he kills himself. Cyber-wise, I repeat.

But he cautions us though. That before anyone attempts to "imitate" him, and kill themselves as well, we should all think twice. Thrice, if needed. Ponder on the things that will be lost and gained with this suicide. Weigh the pros and cons.

And ask yourself, "Am I ready to die?"

We are, as I write, in times when "emo-ness" are "in" (or should I say common?). That we one becomes emotional and nearly suicidal, it's okay.

But, be prepared, because with the popularity of tons of online accounts, there will be a time, in the near-future I predict, when cybersuicide will be the "in" thing. People will just be bored of connecting and publishing themselves online, and decide, unabashedly, that it is time. Time to end their life. Or . . . regain it.