2015

2015: What a year

Last year, I said I had a good feeling about 2015. I couldn't be more wrong. In addition to the pressures of graduation and the Bar examinations, the Universe made it more interesting by throwing in a personal shitstorm in the middle of Bar review.

Highs:

1. Graduation. Getting into the UP College of Law seemed to be impossible to a 20-year-old UPM graduate. Graduating from this institution was even harder. But with God’s grace and overwhelming support from my family and friends, I was able to get in and graduate. I was fortunate to wear the sablay for the second time, now adorned with the hard-earned UP Law tassel.

All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare.

The reality that I was able to get out of Malcolm Hall alive and with a Juris Doctor degree has not completely sunk in yet because we had to study for the Bar right after our graduation last June 2015. One thing I’m sure of is: This is, by far, the  most difficult thing I had willingly put myself through. I am relieved that it’s over. 

(Photo from one of my law school comrades, Jojo)

It would’ve been perfect if I came out victorious with my law school comrades but I did not and it saddens me everyday that reality had to burst our bubble of familiarity and comfort that late in our law school lives. But I believe everyone came out of this experience as better, more focused individuals, having known our strengths, weaknesses, priorities and goals in life.

2. This year I am thankful for new friends (in every sense of the word) for picking up the slack (read: me ha ha) when a few old friends let me down. (See personal shitstorm discussion below.) I would not have survived the craziness that is Bar review and all the shit that came with it if it weren’t for new friends, Mafi, Kyra, Katz, Chua, Ana and Hana. Thank you for accepting my brand of crazy. Air kisses. Haha.

3. Every year I am thankful for Jecy and Rich’s continued (and voluntary!) presence in my life. Bar review and the actual Bar exams in November were bearable because I had Rich with me in UST (FYI, he was also bar examinee) and we had Jecy waiting for us outside. We had sanity-check dinners on weekends I can't go home to Laguna. The reason I always appeared calm (at least, most of the time) was because I had Jecy and Rich to settle my weary (and wary) heart and mind. Thank you for understanding and supporting my basketball obsession before, during and after Bar review. Haha

Minutes after Gilas 3.0 lost to China in the FIBA Asia 2015 final.

4. Daehan Minguk Manse! God bless Song Ilkook and his wife for creating these adorable triplets and for deciding to join the Korean show, The Return of Superman. Think Keeping up with the Kardashians but with babies and toddlers!

Study breaks during Bar review were filled with discussions about the triplets...with anyone willing to listen.

5. Law School Happy Crush. #Landi2015

Lows:

1. Personal shitstorm. From July to October this year, along with the challenges of Bar review, I had to manage…well, “problematic situations” that I was not able to foresee yet has been happening under my nose all this time. I saw people for who they really are, and I was able to decide which friendships to keep and which ones are beyond saving. 

Law school has taught me the value (sometimes, the necessity) of burning bridges. This personal shitstorm reinforced that lesson, and taught me to be more discerning of the people I bring into my life.

Mars #shotsfired

A wise man (Dumbledore) in a movie (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) once said, "It is not our abilities that show what we truly are, it is our choices." 

2. Bar Review and the Bar Exams. Because I only had four months to prepare for the Bar exams, I had to focus all my time and energy on one goal: Be at my readiest by November. Sacrifices had been made—watching TV shows religiously and blogging were the first ones to go. My Facebook account had to be deactivated. Applications on my mobile phone, erased. Inumans, postponed. Friends, ignored. Love life, delayed. (Aysus.) Distractions, minimized.

All bar examinees were expected to be prepared to answer (via a handwritten essay with 5 sentences or less per question) all kinds of questions from basic ones to the most obscure. I will not lie. It was not a walk in the park for me. I felt like a contestant on American Ninja Warrior. Sobrang hirap, ayoko nang ulitin.

Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat!

Verdict: All things considered, I give 2015, 3 out of 5 stars. This would've been an all-time low two-star year but graduation (and Happy Crush! ha ha) somehow saved the year.

The future: 2016 scares the f*** out of me.

Sometime in my early twenties I had an existential crisis. A death of a loved one raised questions such as, what I was here on this Earth for. I wondered what I wanted to achieve out of this lifetime. In the end, I decided that happiness, or being happy, should be one of my goals. I only knew the answer to the question what will make me happy after a lot of reflections and deflections. Finally knowing what I wanted out of this life and realizing all the challenges I had to overcome to be truly happy overwhelmed then-22 year old me. For happiness to appear obtainable, I reduced this seemingly insurmountable goal into an outline, a step-by-step plan. My personal Idiot's Guide to Happiness.

Long story short, I lived my life according to this plan I referred to as the Timeline. Anything that wasn’t timely, I postponed or ignored. I did everything I can to graduate on time (both undergrad and law school) because these were integral aspects of the Timeline. I was (then and now) convinced that following this Timeline was the sure-fire way to success, to my happiness starting year 2016. 

What scares me about 2016 is facing the possibility that one of the key points in my Timeline (being a lawyer) may not happen on time, and I am not sure if I can take a heartbreak of this magnitude. It’s scares me everyday.

I try to find solace in my Faith, my family and friends, and music. Recently, I discovered a song (that isn’t a worship song) that (sort of) calms me. It’s called Someone by Lucy Spraggan. 

Everyday say this to yourself, This future is for me.

You may never find the missing link

You may never paint a work of art

But you will find faith where they say it is

It's already in your heart.

You have the power in your hands

It's time now to believe

You will always have the secret

You will always have the air to breathe

Everyday say to yourself, this future is for me.

Please be good, 2016. 

My 2015 in Music

Music has always been important to me because it helps me:

1. Manage my emotions

2. Sleep, in times I couldn't 

3. Focus when studying

4. Tune out noise and other unnecessary sounds (esp. when commuting or walking)

In the past year, I used Spotify (an online music streaming application/service) extensively because downloading and sharing music using torrent has become time-consuming. I had to download songs on my desktop computer or laptop then transfer them to my iTunes on iPad and iPhone. With Spotify, I had music, literally, at my fingertips. I tried other apps like Guvera and Spinnr but their interface is confusing and their song lists were not as extensive as Spotify's--although Spotify still continue to lack a few songs I love such as 0% Interest by Jason Mraz.

By the numbers. According to Spotify's Year in Music, I listened to...

Spotify for 40,000 minutes or around 28 days!

657 different artists! 

1,826 different tracks!

My personal playlist, dubbed "astronaut food" grew to 381 songs (as I type this)! The songs ranged from Southborder's Do You Believe In Me to David Guetta's Every Chance We Get We Run.

More importantly, this year I repeatedly used music as a yardstick to measure people. I always liked people who recommend songs and albums that I end up liking. I also have greater respect for people who has good taste in music or listens to different songs, artists and genres as much (if not more than) as I do, or, at least, has a decent Spotify playlist. Using music as a way to strengthen existing friendships or to connect better with acquaintances has resulted to me listening to "new" bands such as St. Raymond, Walk the Moon, Alabama Shakes and The Submarines.

The rest of my 2015 in music can be summarized as follows.

Albums | Wish We Were by Joshua Radin was the one I listened to the most. This is an old Radin album (2006, to be exact) but this year I found it on Spotify so I unconsciously streamed it for an alarming 359 times. Chvrches' Every Open Eye and Avicii's Stories followed at numbers 2 and 3, respectively. I loved Every Open Eye so much I even bought it on iTunes! Boo you, Taylor Swift! Joshua Radin's Wax Wings (sooo goood!) and Owl City's Modern Orchestra round out my top 5 albums for 2015. 

Tracks | I've been a fan of Joshua Radin since forever (okay, since I first heard one of his songs on the TV show Scrubs) and Only You didn't impress me then. But through a friend's Spotify playlist called "Mellow Yellow" (which is a good one! Give it a try!) I re-discovered the Imogen Heap mix of Only You. I loved it so much I listened to it for 281 times! No other song on my top 5 got more than 100 streams aside from Sulat by Moonstar88 (which got 154 streams; but I blame my feelings for this. Hahaha). Clearest Blue by Chvrches, Panic Cord by Gabrielle Aplin and Samson by Regina Spektor complete my top 5. 

Artists | Unsurprisingly, I listened to Joshua Radin the most in 2015 (and probably in my lifetime, too) with 709 streams. Chvrches and Owl City follow as a distant 2nd and 3rd, respectively, with 424 and 406 streams. Walk The Moon and St. Raymond complete my top 5. 

I was surprised neither George Ezra's Budapest nor Carly Rae Jepsen's Run Away With Me did not make it to any of my Top 5 lists, considering the alarming number of times I spent putting these songs on repeat and on loop. I also expected Hillsong United's Touch the Sky to make my top 5 because I listened to it a lot during Bar review and especially in November, the Bar examinations month.

Overall, I was happy with how I spent my 2015, music-wise. I may not have read a lot of books that I wanted to try, or went to places I wanted to go (mainly because I spent a big part of 2015 working my ass off to graduate and to review for the Bar); I think I've wisely spent all the free time I could spare by listening to literally a thousand different songs! This simple fact alone makes me happy. I hope to listen to 1,826 more tracks in 2016. 

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Other music-related blog entries include:

Quintet 11: My Favorite Kind of Vampire 
wisdom teeth are out
Quintet 10: You, Me and Dianna
Quintet 9: Music is My Mistress 
Quintet 8: Music for the Eyes
Quintet 7: Something old, something new
Quintet 6: Top 10 Performances from Glee's Season 4
Quintet 5: Originals vs. Covers
Quintet 4: Radio
Quintet 3: GLEE-king out
Quintet 2: Holy Week Playlist
Quintet 1: Music to my ears

A Short Asssessment of My 25th Year on Earth

My 25th year was all about staying on track, on the road to The Timeline. It was about discipline, focus and dedication. From passing all my subjects to graduating on time, and, ultimately, preparing for and taking the Bar examinations. 

UP Law Batch 2015 had roughly four months (from what used to be six months) to prepare for the Bar exams because of the academic calendar shift. Those four months were physically, mentally and emotionally draining. It took everything we had to give and more. It reminded me of Prof. Avena's Civil Procedure class--only 10x harder. Because it was my dreams on the line. The consequences of not passing the Bar is so great, it's scary.

I may have neglected interpersonal relationships for this greater goal. I may have passed upon the opportunity to create new friendships or to build on existing ones, and chose to cling to what I already have proven to be reliable--my family, my Neutrals, my sorority sisters and a handful of law school friendships. 

In this process, I also had to let go of the relationships that have brought me nothing but heartache this past year. It was not an easy decision to make but it had to be done. There are some things in life that are beyond saving.

My 25th year was not the best, or most ideal, year of my life. I am still so far away from my life goals. But in the past year, I was forced to grow, to mature, and be a better person in just a little time. I also learned that putting myself first, above anyone, is not wrong. Because, after all, being happy is being selfish. 

I hope my 26th year will be about having enough courage. To stop being afraid of the unknown. To be more open. To be more free.

This is for you.

Today, 18 June 2015, all my grades have been entered in this thing called the CRS (it's an online portal of UP students' grades and information pertaining to class registration), which means I am one or two steps away from graduation. Finishing law school was one of the hardest things I have done in my life.  So please understand if I get uncharacteriscally emotional about it. I am not expressive by nature but I will be, this one time. 

When I try to recall what I answered as a kid when asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I always answered, 'I want to become a lawyer.' So choosing the university I will enter and the course I will take in undergrad was easy. Deciding to take the entrance examinations to different law schools was also easy. 

Studying law in UP, now, that was difficult. To describe it more accurately: It was challenging. Law school was a never-ending cycle of preparation. Everyday, you prepare for class and recitation. You prepare for examinations. You prepare for reports. You prepare for moot court. You prepare for LDs. You prepare for court hearings. You prepare yourself to get the highest or the lowest of grades. You prepare for the best, the worst and everything in between. I have endured this cycle for five years, and, I admit, it wasn't all picture-perfect. 

Law school was so damn hard I needed constant support and encouragement when the universe (or my professors ha ha ha) threw everything at me, sometimes all at once. 

I would not have survived those five years if not for the support system I had in my parents, my siblings, my neutrals, my sorority sisters, my blockmates and my friends. To name each and every one of you will take space that I don't have right now (ha ha ha) and I would rather thank you in person than here. But please know that I will be forever grateful for your help. Thank you for, knowingly or unknowingly, helping me get closer to achieving my childhood dream.

The five years I spent in Malcolm Hall were not the easiest, most fun or most enjoyable five years of my life. Thank you for making it bearable.

The journey does not end here. Finishing law school does not make me lawyer. Passing the Bar will--well, technically, it's signing the roll of attorneys. I hope that I pass the Bar exams to make you, my family and friends, proud. Only then can I proudly say that I have properly thanked you for the love all of you have given me, in one way or another, in the past twenty five years of my existence. 

Thank you, and see you on the other side. 

If deers could cover their ears

I

This deer is still the same deer struck by yesterday's headlights. It remains cautious of headlights, or any kind of light. It has prepared itself for all kinds of light--from the faintest to the most blinding kind.

This deer has found peace and comfort in its strangeness. It is rarely disturbed by passing headlights at night. 

II

The deer didn't see it coming. It was impossible. For the deer's eyes was closed--afraid of any kind of light. Rather, the deer heard it. It started as a faint sound, distinct but far away. 

The deer was curious, as it always was of new things. 

When the deer finally laid its eyes on it, the deer was, surprisingly, not afraid. You are not a headlight, and it was daylight, thought the deer.

The deer does not know what this creature is. It was neither bright and blinding, nor was it quietly approaching and often times receding. It was neither lingering. It is not a headlight. 

The only thing the deer was sure of was that this creature was loud, one of its kind. And the deer can't stop hearing.

Who knew the deer could be disturbed by things other than a headlight?

The deer is ready for anything that resembles yesterday's headlights. It is, however, unsure of new things that do not look like a headlight yet makes the deer feel like it is dealing with one--the loud kind. 

Cap ou pas cap?

Although I rarely have time to sit down and draw nowadays, drawing (and painting) has always been a source of reprieve, especially during times when everything seems to fall apart. Each work of art I've created is close to my heart. Giving a friend a painting (oil and acrylic on canvas, which took almost a month to make) when I was in high school is probably the sweetest thing I did for another person, aside from going to Dangwa to personally buy flowers for my mom on her 50th birthday when I was in college.

Recently, I had this crazy idea of giving a friend a simple card for Valentine's Day. Not to confess love but to let that person know how appreciated they are. It seemed a fun and harmless idea but as February 14 drew near, my nerves got the better of me. I still created the card but I don't plan to give it any time soon.

So here is how the card turned out.

This card is a tribute to one of my favorite movies, Jeux d'enfants (Love Me If You Dare). In the movie, Julien gave Sophie this small tin box, a gift from his sick mother, to cheer her up. As they grew older, they used this small tin box to exchange dares. With the words "cap ou pas cap?" (Are you able or not able?), they challenge each other to complete a dare the other has created. 

---

Love is a scary thing. To choose to be with the person you love takes courage that not everyone has. For me, falling in love and being with that person, at this time in my life, is not only scary but also takes a lot of work and effort that I'd rather spend on other things like...becoming a lawyer. 

I made this card today with the hope that maybe next year (or the year after that) I will be able to hand this to the one I love and say, "cap ou pas cap?"

2014

2014 easily topped last year because 2013 sucked. I won't recount the highs of that year because even the highs felt like lows. I'd rather focus on 2014's highlights.

The Highs of 2014 were:

1. Neutrals' Night

Friendships take effort. This is one of things I learned from experience, and from watching How I Met Your Mother (more on this later). I am fortunate to have friends--my neutrals--that make an effort to show up when it really matters, and even during times that it doesn't. Our almost weekly Neutrals' Night this year served as a reprieve from law school's never ending challenges and stress, and grounded me whenever I keep losing focus of what's important in life.

Heart Heart Heart

2. Chvrches Live in Manila. 

This was the first live concert I went to, aside from the occasional concerts during the UP Fair. The experience was made better because I went with the person who introduced me to Chvrches. The long line at the start was tolerable; the violation of my personal space was forgivable; the tall people in front was bearable. All because Gina, the crowd, the music and the lights were awesome.

We obviously had fun.

3. Monthly brunch dates with GFZ

The idea of monthly brunch dates came up, the same way the GFZ group came about: through Facebook chat conversations. We were all taking different electives and had different schedules this semester. Seeing each other in school became close to impossible. So we promised to make an effort to see each other monthly to catch up on each other's lives.. These dates, aside from bringing out our inner Titas of Manila, help us maintain and strengthen our fairly new friendship. Despite the array of people you meet in law school, one needs constants--comrades, as I call them--and these are mine. At least the only ones left in Malcolm.

Glad to have these girls (and Jen) as friends.

But I continue to miss last year's fallen comrades every day. :(

4. I got an iPad Air

Getting an iPad was important because it made school and work life easier. What made it more special was that I bought the iPad using my own money--my salary from my second job which lasted for 6 months. At least I got something good out of that crappy job.

5. I discovered the cuteness that is @dailydougie on Instagram. 

My spirit animal

I definitely want one after the Bar.

6. Honesty/Happiness Timeline

I can't say I am truly happy, or that I have achieved the goals I set for myself a couple of years ago but I think I'm getting there. I have been blessed with more trustworthy friends this year. A fact I'm constantly thankful for. I ended relationships (and let go of emotions) that have dragged me down in the past, and focused on strengthening the ones that are worth keeping.

Wonderful prose from Jack Kerouac

The Lows of 2014 were:

1. I lost my Blackberry phone.

For the first time ever since I started owning things, I lost my cellphone. On a bus home to Laguna, no less. I didn't really feel sad about its loss but what made it one of the lows of this year because I bought it using my own money, my salary from my first job ever. Oh well. If anything, the loss reminded me of the non-permanence of tangible things.

2. The Horrendous How I Met Your Mother Ending

Words cannot express how much I love this show. Time and again, I've written about my trust in Bays and Thomas in making an ending that mattered, an ending that was consistent with what the show stood for, for me. I can go on a never-ending discussion how the ending sucked for me but there's no sense in doing that at this point. I just felt betrayed by the two persons I trusted most, despite not meeting them in person.

How I Met Your Mother is one of the reasons why I have trust issues. Ha. I still refuse to re-watch the series finale episode.

The Most Irritating TV Show Screenshot of All Time

3. I blogged less.

My total number of entries this year was 14 (including the one where I merely posted the beautiful poem, A Hundred Ways To Say Your Name) which is a measly number compared to 2013's 31 and 2012's (amazing) 59. I think this is because I watch less TV shows now, and I blog about them even less. I have also managed my emotions better, and opted to discuss them with best friends rather than write about them, where the chances of the persons concerned reading them are less. I hope to blog more (quality over quantity) next year, despite the apparent busy-ness of 2015 for me (read: Graduation and The Bar Exams).

Verdict: Because 2014 has more highs than lows, and it was ultimately better than 2013, I give it 4 Stars.


Looking back, last year I hoped 2014 was the year that I will be able to de-compartmentalize aspects of my life that needed de-compartmentalizing, and to reconcile things that I think are impossible to reconcile. I think I have achieved the first goal but not the second. I will still continue to try to achieve both in 2015--along with my ultimate goal of graduating and passing the Bar.

I have a feeling 2015 will be a good year.

Finally, I end 2014 and welcome 2015 with a beautiful line from Jillette Johnson's song True North:

I'll find true north, somewhere, somehow.

To Stream or Not to Stream

Recently, Taylor Swift pulled off her entire discography on Spotify. In a previous article on Wall Street, she said that streaming is one of the things that is, to paraphrase, not helping the music industry, along with piracy and file sharing. This recent development is sparking a debate on whether or not streaming music online is helping the industry.

From the point of view of an avid music listener and music sharer, and Spotify user, I respectfully disagree with Taylor Swift. I think streaming music online is helping the industry. It provides and, in some cases, creates access to music that iTunes or physical album sales cannot provide. It gives everyone who has internet access the opportunity to listen to an artist's music legally.

Before I was hooked in Spotify, I accessed music through downloading albums via torrent, despite knowing that this is illegal, and that artists deserve to be paid for the music they create. I did this because, frankly, I don't have the luxury of spending money on music. If I bought all the music I listen to, I wouldn't have enough money left for food or even clothing.

When Spotify came out, I stopped downloading music via torrent because I had access to music--access that the artist allowed and is getting paid for. According to an article by Time, Spotify pays "less than one cent per play, between $0.006 and $0.0084, to be exact."

Spotify also gave and is giving me access to listen to artists I've never listened to before. It gives me, as a music fan, an opportunity to decide whether a certain artist's music suits my taste or not. Whether I will continue listening to them or not. This is important because it allows less well-known artists, or those who are starting out, to widen their fan base. This also allows me, as a fan, to recommend the music I like to others, and give others the chance to listen to said artist easily--without the need of getting on a computer to download said artist's music or sharing it through a flash drive. This widened access to an artist's music creates or increases demand, not only for album sales but also concert ticket and merchandise sales.

To illustrate: I discovered Chvrches for the first time through a YouTube music video of Mother We Share. I was instantly hooked to their music and I wanted to listen to everything they created. But putting their videos on loop is tiring, and not all of their songs had videos. But when Spotify came out, and Chvrches' album Bones of What You Believe and other songs were on it, I had a chance to regularly listen to their music. I even created a playlist which I can click easily to get my weekly Chvrches fix or which I can share to my friends. So when I found out that they were performing live in the Philippines, I instantly bought a ticket, regardless of whether a friend was going with me.

I am not a Taylor Swift fan (and yes I already listened to her songs on Spotify, but I am not so amused by her) so I am not judging her by her music. But to even out the debate, I asked a friend whoa Taylor Swift fan and she had this to say: Taylor pulling out of Spotify creates a message that she is confident that her loyal fan base would still support her (and buy her music) but it also alienates other people. It limits the opportunity to widen her fan base.

If Taylor Swift's purpose in removing her music from Spotify (but retaining it on Spinnr, another music streaming site in the Philippines) is to increase album sales--whether digitally or physically, I think such a move is counterproductive. In doing so, she has forced (in a way) those who wanted to listen to her new album 1989 but doesn't want to pay to download it via torrent or get it from someone who did.

The thing she wanted to avoid has come back to haunt her. So we're back to square one.



The author is not affiliated with Spotify or any music streaming site. Nor has she gained any advantage or benefit by writing this seemingly pro-Spotify piece.

Piper Chapman is Not the Center of the Universe

Piper's "I'm back from a scarier prison so don't fck with me" Face

The great difference--some call it an improvement--between the first and second season of Orange is the New Black is Piper's participation. In season 1, almost all storylines were tied up to Piper's trials and tribulations both inside and outside prison. In season 2, Piper starts off her journey to another prison after beating Pennsatuckey to near-death. The entire first episode shows us how this new prison and its inmates differ from Litchfield. We realize that her drama--Hello, Alex cheated on her again after Piper lied for her!--is just one of the many dramas this world has, and no one fcking cares. Sometimes, finding a cigarette-toting roach is more important.

Piper back to orange scrubs.

The world, in fact, does not stop when Piper's world does. Her sick grandmother continues to die--and in fact dies--without waiting for her to get out. Her father doesn't even visit her at all. Larry and Polly (Piper's best supporters) moving on, and moving in together, is the best manifestation of this truth.

Larry: We want your blessing. LARRY. SUCKS.

Further, the second episode shows us that the Litchfield girls don't even think about Piper being gone. They even fear her return, and have, in fact, raided her bunk and apportioned her stuff for themselves. We are given a glimpse of how great (or little) Piper has affected these girls, despite her believing otherwise. Even Crazy Eyes has moved on, realizing (thanks to the troublesome Vee) that Dandelion is a grass, and that she is a fcking flower! Season 1's "I threw my pie for you!" has changed to throwing cake at Piper when she gets furlough.

I threw my pie at you.

This dissociation from Piper's story paved the way for the exploration of other inmates' stories--Taystee's unconventional family, Morello's disillusion, Crazy Eyes' unconventional family, Gloria's battered past, Cindy's daughter/sister, Sister Ingalls' knack for publicized protests, Poussey's (sort of) military upbringing, Rosa's loves (men and the thrill caused by stealing) and Ruiz' tattooed boyfriend (and cute baby!). We also realize (no thanks to Piper's Big House Bugle) that Litchfield's staff are people, too. We are introduced to Caputo's after work band called Sideboob, Figueroa's gay husband, and the prison guard pairings (Fisher-Luschek and O'Neill-Bell). We are (painfully) subjected to watch Bennett's struggle to balance his desire to be a good father-to-be and be good at his job.

Morello's story broke my heart more than anyone else's.

Season 2 also gives us an opportunity to see Season's 1 bad guys (okay, not-so-good guys) in a different light. Season 1's biggest bad, Mr. Healy, is transformed to a more relatable person. His frustrations with his mail-order wife and his anger management issues make us sort of forgive him (well, not really) for turning a blind eye to Pennsatuckey and Piper beating the living daylights out of each other.

Just in case anyone needed reminding what went down last Christmas at Litchfield.

In the end, as Mr. Healy walks out of Safe Place with disappointment and a little anger, we realize that he is just like any other human being--he wants to feel needed. To be a person who matters.

No place is safe as long as you're in it, Mr. Healy.

We are also shown a different side of Pennsatuckey, my most hated inmate in Season 1. Her need to be included--either in Mr. Healy's Safe Place, Big Boo's Gay Agenda, or the meth heads' group--show us that beneath all her meth teeth and hateful words or name-calling lie a person who wants to be accepted...and be listened to. To be honest, I pitied Figueroa and Pornstache for a minute--somewhere between the last episodes--until I remembered their embezzling and cunning ways.

Pennsatuckey on being friends with lesbians:
I would never finger her and I would never let her finger me.

I guess, my pity and understanding of Season 1's baddest bads, was greatly influenced by Vee's arrival. Vee is the epitome of manipulation. Morello was correct when she said that Vee made prison shit real. Yes, Litchfield is not a five-star hotel but, at least, before Vee, everyone didn't want to kill each other. To say that I abhor Vee is an understatement, and I do not wish to speak of her again.

Scary Vee

Dead Vee

Finally, I think Season 2's overall message is that: Prison changes people--not only the inmates but their families and friends as well. Piper realizes this as she observes and interacts with newbie inmate Brooke Soso. Inmate Soso has the same romanticized idea of prison as Piper had, but as the season progressed, Soso realized the truth that she was not the same person she was going in. It was an unfortunate, bitter truth that every inmate (and even all prison staff) has to live with. Piper nearly punched an inmate to death, perjured for her scheming ex, and willingly traded a person for a blanket.

You tried to trade me for a blanket!

What to look forward to in Season 3: How Nicky, Crazy Eyes, Big Boo, Poussey, Maritza, Blanca and Flaca got into prison? What will happen to Crazy Eyes now that Vee is gone? Will Nicky go back to being a junkie? Will Watson stop her monthly "visits" to the SHU? Will Red's tunnel be discovered? Will Pornstache come back? Will Daya and Bennett break up? Will Caputo last more than a month as Assistant Warden?

Caputo: Oh, fuck.

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You may want to read my other Orange related blog entries:

Orange is the New Black Season 1
Orange is the New Black Season 4

Happy Audrey Hepburn Day!

Or, The Introduction to My Twenty Year Old Self's Audrey Hepburn Movie Review Series


Five summers ago, my ever-brilliant mother observed that my siblings and I were wasting away our time watching crappy movies about teenage awkwardness or rom-coms that were of no use to us, then. So, to lead us to the right direction (read: Movies that made sense) without literally telling us to what to watch, she bought a DVD collection of Audrey Hepburn's movies.

Long story short, I watched the movies (my siblings did not) and made a review series out of it. I wasn't able to finish the DVD because my twenty-year-old self eventually craved Brad Pitt's charms and Amanda Bynes' comedic timing (and of course, Channing Tatum's baby abs) but I was able to cover the essentials, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Roman Holiday, Charade, Funny Face and so on. I liked How to Steal A Million the best mainly because of Peter O'Toole and his amazing chemistry with Audrey Hepburn.

To celebrate Audrey Hepburn's birthday today (that is, if she were alive) and to share my 20yo self's thoughts on her movies, here are the links to my Audrey Hepburn Review Series:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

I apologize for the grammatical errors and layout mistakes I committed, then. Twenty year old me was clueless about blogging. All she wanted to do was write, write, write.

Enjoy reading! I hope you find an Audrey Hepburn movie that you like.

Long live Audrey Hepburn!

Round 178

I ran out of metaphors. 

There's no other way to say, 

it always comes back to you.

Even if I don't want it to. 

5 Must Binge-Watch TV Shows

If you're looking for TV shows to binge-watch this summer break (especially those who will have four months off from school because of the academic calendar shift), I highly suggest these five shows:

1. Chuck has everything you want in a show--comedy, romance, action and a little drama. It has only five seasons, making it perfect for a weeklong marathon, binge-watch session. If you want to know what this show has to offer, click here, here, and here. Long live the nerd herd!

2. Freaks and Geeks is not for everyone but I think it was way ahead of its time when they showed it in the late 90s. TV shows then were not about showcasing what happens in real life (that puberty and parenting can be awkward!) but about how the geek always gets the girl. Freaks even went a step further by giving an unconventional ending for Lindsay Weir. The fact that it was not picked up beyond its maiden season adds to its mysterious quality.

3. Binge-watching Scrubs may seem to be a chore at first glance because it's 9 seasons long, but if you do have time to spare (yes I'm looking at you incoming freshman at UP!) give this show a try. It won't reach up to 9 seasons if it didn't do something right. If you need more convincing, click here for my Scrubs review.

4. Watch Pushing Daisies because piemaker Ned is adorable. Also, Kristin Chenoweth delivers a strong performance as hopelessly-in-love piemaker's assistant, Oivia. This is as wholesome as American TV shows can go without bordering on being too boring or too prudent. More reasons here.

5. Sherlock. Benedict Cumberbatch. Sexy English accent. Irene Adler. More reasons here.

Five Years

Five Years

Year one,
We had different reasons.
We had to find out if this is what we want
Not simply what others wanted for us.

Year two,
I was hell-bent on staying
You felt it was best to leave.
On the fork in the road, we parted.

Year three,
The nights were longer.
Christmas seemed forever.
I looked at the lights to pass time.

Year four,
The powers that be
Sucked the life out me
As it breathed  life into you.

Year five,
Is it too much if I ask you to
Come back in two years,
I'll be ready for you.