A Short Asssessment of My 25th Year on Earth

My 25th year was all about staying on track, on the road to The Timeline. It was about discipline, focus and dedication. From passing all my subjects to graduating on time, and, ultimately, preparing for and taking the Bar examinations. 

UP Law Batch 2015 had roughly four months (from what used to be six months) to prepare for the Bar exams because of the academic calendar shift. Those four months were physically, mentally and emotionally draining. It took everything we had to give and more. It reminded me of Prof. Avena's Civil Procedure class--only 10x harder. Because it was my dreams on the line. The consequences of not passing the Bar is so great, it's scary.

I may have neglected interpersonal relationships for this greater goal. I may have passed upon the opportunity to create new friendships or to build on existing ones, and chose to cling to what I already have proven to be reliable--my family, my Neutrals, my sorority sisters and a handful of law school friendships. 

In this process, I also had to let go of the relationships that have brought me nothing but heartache this past year. It was not an easy decision to make but it had to be done. There are some things in life that are beyond saving.

My 25th year was not the best, or most ideal, year of my life. I am still so far away from my life goals. But in the past year, I was forced to grow, to mature, and be a better person in just a little time. I also learned that putting myself first, above anyone, is not wrong. Because, after all, being happy is being selfish. 

I hope my 26th year will be about having enough courage. To stop being afraid of the unknown. To be more open. To be more free.

This is for you.

Today, 18 June 2015, all my grades have been entered in this thing called the CRS (it's an online portal of UP students' grades and information pertaining to class registration), which means I am one or two steps away from graduation. Finishing law school was one of the hardest things I have done in my life.  So please understand if I get uncharacteriscally emotional about it. I am not expressive by nature but I will be, this one time. 

When I try to recall what I answered as a kid when asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I always answered, 'I want to become a lawyer.' So choosing the university I will enter and the course I will take in undergrad was easy. Deciding to take the entrance examinations to different law schools was also easy. 

Studying law in UP, now, that was difficult. To describe it more accurately: It was challenging. Law school was a never-ending cycle of preparation. Everyday, you prepare for class and recitation. You prepare for examinations. You prepare for reports. You prepare for moot court. You prepare for LDs. You prepare for court hearings. You prepare yourself to get the highest or the lowest of grades. You prepare for the best, the worst and everything in between. I have endured this cycle for five years, and, I admit, it wasn't all picture-perfect. 

Law school was so damn hard I needed constant support and encouragement when the universe (or my professors ha ha ha) threw everything at me, sometimes all at once. 

I would not have survived those five years if not for the support system I had in my parents, my siblings, my neutrals, my sorority sisters, my blockmates and my friends. To name each and every one of you will take space that I don't have right now (ha ha ha) and I would rather thank you in person than here. But please know that I will be forever grateful for your help. Thank you for, knowingly or unknowingly, helping me get closer to achieving my childhood dream.

The five years I spent in Malcolm Hall were not the easiest, most fun or most enjoyable five years of my life. Thank you for making it bearable.

The journey does not end here. Finishing law school does not make me lawyer. Passing the Bar will--well, technically, it's signing the roll of attorneys. I hope that I pass the Bar exams to make you, my family and friends, proud. Only then can I proudly say that I have properly thanked you for the love all of you have given me, in one way or another, in the past twenty five years of my existence. 

Thank you, and see you on the other side. 

If deers could cover their ears

I

This deer is still the same deer struck by yesterday's headlights. It remains cautious of headlights, or any kind of light. It has prepared itself for all kinds of light--from the faintest to the most blinding kind.

This deer has found peace and comfort in its strangeness. It is rarely disturbed by passing headlights at night. 

II

The deer didn't see it coming. It was impossible. For the deer's eyes was closed--afraid of any kind of light. Rather, the deer heard it. It started as a faint sound, distinct but far away. 

The deer was curious, as it always was of new things. 

When the deer finally laid its eyes on it, the deer was, surprisingly, not afraid. You are not a headlight, and it was daylight, thought the deer.

The deer does not know what this creature is. It was neither bright and blinding, nor was it quietly approaching and often times receding. It was neither lingering. It is not a headlight. 

The only thing the deer was sure of was that this creature was loud, one of its kind. And the deer can't stop hearing.

Who knew the deer could be disturbed by things other than a headlight?

The deer is ready for anything that resembles yesterday's headlights. It is, however, unsure of new things that do not look like a headlight yet makes the deer feel like it is dealing with one--the loud kind. 

Cap ou pas cap?

Although I rarely have time to sit down and draw nowadays, drawing (and painting) has always been a source of reprieve, especially during times when everything seems to fall apart. Each work of art I've created is close to my heart. Giving a friend a painting (oil and acrylic on canvas, which took almost a month to make) when I was in high school is probably the sweetest thing I did for another person, aside from going to Dangwa to personally buy flowers for my mom on her 50th birthday when I was in college.

Recently, I had this crazy idea of giving a friend a simple card for Valentine's Day. Not to confess love but to let that person know how appreciated they are. It seemed a fun and harmless idea but as February 14 drew near, my nerves got the better of me. I still created the card but I don't plan to give it any time soon.

So here is how the card turned out.

This card is a tribute to one of my favorite movies, Jeux d'enfants (Love Me If You Dare). In the movie, Julien gave Sophie this small tin box, a gift from his sick mother, to cheer her up. As they grew older, they used this small tin box to exchange dares. With the words "cap ou pas cap?" (Are you able or not able?), they challenge each other to complete a dare the other has created. 

---

Love is a scary thing. To choose to be with the person you love takes courage that not everyone has. For me, falling in love and being with that person, at this time in my life, is not only scary but also takes a lot of work and effort that I'd rather spend on other things like...becoming a lawyer. 

I made this card today with the hope that maybe next year (or the year after that) I will be able to hand this to the one I love and say, "cap ou pas cap?"

2014

2014 easily topped last year because 2013 sucked. I won't recount the highs of that year because even the highs felt like lows. I'd rather focus on 2014's highlights.

The Highs of 2014 were:

1. Neutrals' Night

Friendships take effort. This is one of things I learned from experience, and from watching How I Met Your Mother (more on this later). I am fortunate to have friends--my neutrals--that make an effort to show up when it really matters, and even during times that it doesn't. Our almost weekly Neutrals' Night this year served as a reprieve from law school's never ending challenges and stress, and grounded me whenever I keep losing focus of what's important in life.

Heart Heart Heart

2. Chvrches Live in Manila. 

This was the first live concert I went to, aside from the occasional concerts during the UP Fair. The experience was made better because I went with the person who introduced me to Chvrches. The long line at the start was tolerable; the violation of my personal space was forgivable; the tall people in front was bearable. All because Gina, the crowd, the music and the lights were awesome.

We obviously had fun.

3. Monthly brunch dates with GFZ

The idea of monthly brunch dates came up, the same way the GFZ group came about: through Facebook chat conversations. We were all taking different electives and had different schedules this semester. Seeing each other in school became close to impossible. So we promised to make an effort to see each other monthly to catch up on each other's lives.. These dates, aside from bringing out our inner Titas of Manila, help us maintain and strengthen our fairly new friendship. Despite the array of people you meet in law school, one needs constants--comrades, as I call them--and these are mine. At least the only ones left in Malcolm.

Glad to have these girls (and Jen) as friends.

But I continue to miss last year's fallen comrades every day. :(

4. I got an iPad Air

Getting an iPad was important because it made school and work life easier. What made it more special was that I bought the iPad using my own money--my salary from my second job which lasted for 6 months. At least I got something good out of that crappy job.

5. I discovered the cuteness that is @dailydougie on Instagram. 

My spirit animal

I definitely want one after the Bar.

6. Honesty/Happiness Timeline

I can't say I am truly happy, or that I have achieved the goals I set for myself a couple of years ago but I think I'm getting there. I have been blessed with more trustworthy friends this year. A fact I'm constantly thankful for. I ended relationships (and let go of emotions) that have dragged me down in the past, and focused on strengthening the ones that are worth keeping.

Wonderful prose from Jack Kerouac

The Lows of 2014 were:

1. I lost my Blackberry phone.

For the first time ever since I started owning things, I lost my cellphone. On a bus home to Laguna, no less. I didn't really feel sad about its loss but what made it one of the lows of this year because I bought it using my own money, my salary from my first job ever. Oh well. If anything, the loss reminded me of the non-permanence of tangible things.

2. The Horrendous How I Met Your Mother Ending

Words cannot express how much I love this show. Time and again, I've written about my trust in Bays and Thomas in making an ending that mattered, an ending that was consistent with what the show stood for, for me. I can go on a never-ending discussion how the ending sucked for me but there's no sense in doing that at this point. I just felt betrayed by the two persons I trusted most, despite not meeting them in person.

How I Met Your Mother is one of the reasons why I have trust issues. Ha. I still refuse to re-watch the series finale episode.

The Most Irritating TV Show Screenshot of All Time

3. I blogged less.

My total number of entries this year was 14 (including the one where I merely posted the beautiful poem, A Hundred Ways To Say Your Name) which is a measly number compared to 2013's 31 and 2012's (amazing) 59. I think this is because I watch less TV shows now, and I blog about them even less. I have also managed my emotions better, and opted to discuss them with best friends rather than write about them, where the chances of the persons concerned reading them are less. I hope to blog more (quality over quantity) next year, despite the apparent busy-ness of 2015 for me (read: Graduation and The Bar Exams).

Verdict: Because 2014 has more highs than lows, and it was ultimately better than 2013, I give it 4 Stars.


Looking back, last year I hoped 2014 was the year that I will be able to de-compartmentalize aspects of my life that needed de-compartmentalizing, and to reconcile things that I think are impossible to reconcile. I think I have achieved the first goal but not the second. I will still continue to try to achieve both in 2015--along with my ultimate goal of graduating and passing the Bar.

I have a feeling 2015 will be a good year.

Finally, I end 2014 and welcome 2015 with a beautiful line from Jillette Johnson's song True North:

I'll find true north, somewhere, somehow.

To Stream or Not to Stream

Recently, Taylor Swift pulled off her entire discography on Spotify. In a previous article on Wall Street, she said that streaming is one of the things that is, to paraphrase, not helping the music industry, along with piracy and file sharing. This recent development is sparking a debate on whether or not streaming music online is helping the industry.

From the point of view of an avid music listener and music sharer, and Spotify user, I respectfully disagree with Taylor Swift. I think streaming music online is helping the industry. It provides and, in some cases, creates access to music that iTunes or physical album sales cannot provide. It gives everyone who has internet access the opportunity to listen to an artist's music legally.

Before I was hooked in Spotify, I accessed music through downloading albums via torrent, despite knowing that this is illegal, and that artists deserve to be paid for the music they create. I did this because, frankly, I don't have the luxury of spending money on music. If I bought all the music I listen to, I wouldn't have enough money left for food or even clothing.

When Spotify came out, I stopped downloading music via torrent because I had access to music--access that the artist allowed and is getting paid for. According to an article by Time, Spotify pays "less than one cent per play, between $0.006 and $0.0084, to be exact."

Spotify also gave and is giving me access to listen to artists I've never listened to before. It gives me, as a music fan, an opportunity to decide whether a certain artist's music suits my taste or not. Whether I will continue listening to them or not. This is important because it allows less well-known artists, or those who are starting out, to widen their fan base. This also allows me, as a fan, to recommend the music I like to others, and give others the chance to listen to said artist easily--without the need of getting on a computer to download said artist's music or sharing it through a flash drive. This widened access to an artist's music creates or increases demand, not only for album sales but also concert ticket and merchandise sales.

To illustrate: I discovered Chvrches for the first time through a YouTube music video of Mother We Share. I was instantly hooked to their music and I wanted to listen to everything they created. But putting their videos on loop is tiring, and not all of their songs had videos. But when Spotify came out, and Chvrches' album Bones of What You Believe and other songs were on it, I had a chance to regularly listen to their music. I even created a playlist which I can click easily to get my weekly Chvrches fix or which I can share to my friends. So when I found out that they were performing live in the Philippines, I instantly bought a ticket, regardless of whether a friend was going with me.

I am not a Taylor Swift fan (and yes I already listened to her songs on Spotify, but I am not so amused by her) so I am not judging her by her music. But to even out the debate, I asked a friend whoa Taylor Swift fan and she had this to say: Taylor pulling out of Spotify creates a message that she is confident that her loyal fan base would still support her (and buy her music) but it also alienates other people. It limits the opportunity to widen her fan base.

If Taylor Swift's purpose in removing her music from Spotify (but retaining it on Spinnr, another music streaming site in the Philippines) is to increase album sales--whether digitally or physically, I think such a move is counterproductive. In doing so, she has forced (in a way) those who wanted to listen to her new album 1989 but doesn't want to pay to download it via torrent or get it from someone who did.

The thing she wanted to avoid has come back to haunt her. So we're back to square one.



The author is not affiliated with Spotify or any music streaming site. Nor has she gained any advantage or benefit by writing this seemingly pro-Spotify piece.

Piper Chapman is Not the Center of the Universe

Piper's "I'm back from a scarier prison so don't fck with me" Face

The great difference--some call it an improvement--between the first and second season of Orange is the New Black is Piper's participation. In season 1, almost all storylines were tied up to Piper's trials and tribulations both inside and outside prison. In season 2, Piper starts off her journey to another prison after beating Pennsatuckey to near-death. The entire first episode shows us how this new prison and its inmates differ from Litchfield. We realize that her drama--Hello, Alex cheated on her again after Piper lied for her!--is just one of the many dramas this world has, and no one fcking cares. Sometimes, finding a cigarette-toting roach is more important.

Piper back to orange scrubs.

The world, in fact, does not stop when Piper's world does. Her sick grandmother continues to die--and in fact dies--without waiting for her to get out. Her father doesn't even visit her at all. Larry and Polly (Piper's best supporters) moving on, and moving in together, is the best manifestation of this truth.

Larry: We want your blessing. LARRY. SUCKS.

Further, the second episode shows us that the Litchfield girls don't even think about Piper being gone. They even fear her return, and have, in fact, raided her bunk and apportioned her stuff for themselves. We are given a glimpse of how great (or little) Piper has affected these girls, despite her believing otherwise. Even Crazy Eyes has moved on, realizing (thanks to the troublesome Vee) that Dandelion is a grass, and that she is a fcking flower! Season 1's "I threw my pie for you!" has changed to throwing cake at Piper when she gets furlough.

I threw my pie at you.

This dissociation from Piper's story paved the way for the exploration of other inmates' stories--Taystee's unconventional family, Morello's disillusion, Crazy Eyes' unconventional family, Gloria's battered past, Cindy's daughter/sister, Sister Ingalls' knack for publicized protests, Poussey's (sort of) military upbringing, Rosa's loves (men and the thrill caused by stealing) and Ruiz' tattooed boyfriend (and cute baby!). We also realize (no thanks to Piper's Big House Bugle) that Litchfield's staff are people, too. We are introduced to Caputo's after work band called Sideboob, Figueroa's gay husband, and the prison guard pairings (Fisher-Luschek and O'Neill-Bell). We are (painfully) subjected to watch Bennett's struggle to balance his desire to be a good father-to-be and be good at his job.

Morello's story broke my heart more than anyone else's.

Season 2 also gives us an opportunity to see Season's 1 bad guys (okay, not-so-good guys) in a different light. Season 1's biggest bad, Mr. Healy, is transformed to a more relatable person. His frustrations with his mail-order wife and his anger management issues make us sort of forgive him (well, not really) for turning a blind eye to Pennsatuckey and Piper beating the living daylights out of each other.

Just in case anyone needed reminding what went down last Christmas at Litchfield.

In the end, as Mr. Healy walks out of Safe Place with disappointment and a little anger, we realize that he is just like any other human being--he wants to feel needed. To be a person who matters.

No place is safe as long as you're in it, Mr. Healy.

We are also shown a different side of Pennsatuckey, my most hated inmate in Season 1. Her need to be included--either in Mr. Healy's Safe Place, Big Boo's Gay Agenda, or the meth heads' group--show us that beneath all her meth teeth and hateful words or name-calling lie a person who wants to be accepted...and be listened to. To be honest, I pitied Figueroa and Pornstache for a minute--somewhere between the last episodes--until I remembered their embezzling and cunning ways.

Pennsatuckey on being friends with lesbians:
I would never finger her and I would never let her finger me.

I guess, my pity and understanding of Season 1's baddest bads, was greatly influenced by Vee's arrival. Vee is the epitome of manipulation. Morello was correct when she said that Vee made prison shit real. Yes, Litchfield is not a five-star hotel but, at least, before Vee, everyone didn't want to kill each other. To say that I abhor Vee is an understatement, and I do not wish to speak of her again.

Scary Vee

Dead Vee

Finally, I think Season 2's overall message is that: Prison changes people--not only the inmates but their families and friends as well. Piper realizes this as she observes and interacts with newbie inmate Brooke Soso. Inmate Soso has the same romanticized idea of prison as Piper had, but as the season progressed, Soso realized the truth that she was not the same person she was going in. It was an unfortunate, bitter truth that every inmate (and even all prison staff) has to live with. Piper nearly punched an inmate to death, perjured for her scheming ex, and willingly traded a person for a blanket.

You tried to trade me for a blanket!

What to look forward to in Season 3: How Nicky, Crazy Eyes, Big Boo, Poussey, Maritza, Blanca and Flaca got into prison? What will happen to Crazy Eyes now that Vee is gone? Will Nicky go back to being a junkie? Will Watson stop her monthly "visits" to the SHU? Will Red's tunnel be discovered? Will Pornstache come back? Will Daya and Bennett break up? Will Caputo last more than a month as Assistant Warden?

Caputo: Oh, fuck.

---

You may want to read my other Orange related blog entries:

Orange is the New Black Season 1
Orange is the New Black Season 4

Happy Audrey Hepburn Day!

Or, The Introduction to My Twenty Year Old Self's Audrey Hepburn Movie Review Series


Five summers ago, my ever-brilliant mother observed that my siblings and I were wasting away our time watching crappy movies about teenage awkwardness or rom-coms that were of no use to us, then. So, to lead us to the right direction (read: Movies that made sense) without literally telling us to what to watch, she bought a DVD collection of Audrey Hepburn's movies.

Long story short, I watched the movies (my siblings did not) and made a review series out of it. I wasn't able to finish the DVD because my twenty-year-old self eventually craved Brad Pitt's charms and Amanda Bynes' comedic timing (and of course, Channing Tatum's baby abs) but I was able to cover the essentials, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Roman Holiday, Charade, Funny Face and so on. I liked How to Steal A Million the best mainly because of Peter O'Toole and his amazing chemistry with Audrey Hepburn.

To celebrate Audrey Hepburn's birthday today (that is, if she were alive) and to share my 20yo self's thoughts on her movies, here are the links to my Audrey Hepburn Review Series:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

I apologize for the grammatical errors and layout mistakes I committed, then. Twenty year old me was clueless about blogging. All she wanted to do was write, write, write.

Enjoy reading! I hope you find an Audrey Hepburn movie that you like.

Long live Audrey Hepburn!

Round 178

I ran out of metaphors. 

There's no other way to say, 

it always comes back to you.

Even if I don't want it to. 

5 Must Binge-Watch TV Shows

If you're looking for TV shows to binge-watch this summer break (especially those who will have four months off from school because of the academic calendar shift), I highly suggest these five shows:

1. Chuck has everything you want in a show--comedy, romance, action and a little drama. It has only five seasons, making it perfect for a weeklong marathon, binge-watch session. If you want to know what this show has to offer, click here, here, and here. Long live the nerd herd!

2. Freaks and Geeks is not for everyone but I think it was way ahead of its time when they showed it in the late 90s. TV shows then were not about showcasing what happens in real life (that puberty and parenting can be awkward!) but about how the geek always gets the girl. Freaks even went a step further by giving an unconventional ending for Lindsay Weir. The fact that it was not picked up beyond its maiden season adds to its mysterious quality.

3. Binge-watching Scrubs may seem to be a chore at first glance because it's 9 seasons long, but if you do have time to spare (yes I'm looking at you incoming freshman at UP!) give this show a try. It won't reach up to 9 seasons if it didn't do something right. If you need more convincing, click here for my Scrubs review.

4. Watch Pushing Daisies because piemaker Ned is adorable. Also, Kristin Chenoweth delivers a strong performance as hopelessly-in-love piemaker's assistant, Oivia. This is as wholesome as American TV shows can go without bordering on being too boring or too prudent. More reasons here.

5. Sherlock. Benedict Cumberbatch. Sexy English accent. Irene Adler. More reasons here.

Five Years

Five Years

Year one,
We had different reasons.
We had to find out if this is what we want
Not simply what others wanted for us.

Year two,
I was hell-bent on staying
You felt it was best to leave.
On the fork in the road, we parted.

Year three,
The nights were longer.
Christmas seemed forever.
I looked at the lights to pass time.

Year four,
The powers that be
Sucked the life out me
As it breathed  life into you.

Year five,
Is it too much if I ask you to
Come back in two years,
I'll be ready for you.

Marcel Proust Questionnaire 2014

I answered the Marcel Proust Questionnaire for the first time seven years and two days ago. Here are my answers now:

name: Jo Ann Frances D. Madarang
your chief characteristic: Loyal
your favorite qualities in a man: Secure
your favorite qualities in a woman: Perceptive
your favorite qualities in friends: Loyal, honest
your biggest flaw: Short temper
your favorite occupation: Writer
your idea of happiness: Being with loved ones
your idea of misery: Losing my mother
where would you like to live: Batanes
your favorite colors: Black and green
your pet aversion: Literally, cats. 
your favorite hero: Megamind!
your favorite heroine: Elsa from Frozen
your real-life hero/heroine: My mother
your favorite motto: You can't please everyone.
your favorite virtue: Loyalty
your favorite author: Jack Kerouac
your favorite food and drinks: Coffee and maruya!
your favorite names: Gabriel, Helena, Luisa
for what fault you have the least tolerance: Inefficiency
for what fault you have the most tolerance: Arrogance
what is your present state of mind: Focused
how would you like to die: Peacefully

wisdom teeth are out

Back, back way back You used to front like Angkor Wat.

-----

The gloves are off. The wisdom teeth are out. 

What you on about?

-----

You cursed the sun when it stepped to your girl. 

-----

Maybe she's gone and I can't resurrect her. 

-----

I can't do it alone. 

-----

The truth is, she doesn't need me to protect her.

She's tougher than leather.


---------------------------------------------

These lines were borrowed from Vampire Weekend's Step, and re-arranged for a friend.

Listening to the wind

I close my eyes,
--carefully listening to the wind
---that carries your voice to my ears.

To love the sound
more than the sight,
seemed impossible.
Yet it feels right.

I wish to travel
in your direction,
closer to the sound,
That I yearn for.

It is when I am steps away
that I realize;
I'm lost in the middle of the wind.
Your voice is gone from it.

A Hundred Ways To Say Your Name

A Hundred Ways To Say Your Name
by Tania De Rozario

I avoid speaking your name in conversation,
throwing it to the air as if it were nothing
more than an assumption of you; it is my last
mode of defence. The last item of clothing
to discard before I realise I’m naked in public.

Because they can hear it in my voice. I know.
Even in that one short syllable that means
everything and nothing; your name is as common
as you are rare. As easy as you are not.
As simple as love should be, but never is.

But when I’m alone, I tie my tongue softly
round the familiar sound, as if pronouncing
with conviction the phonetics of desire
will cause time to pause just long enough
for the earth to hear me naming my loss.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I never speak your name because I'm afraid you'd hear me.

On wolves and walking weird

On getting an NBI clearance and getting a fcking hit!: First, the line was very looooooong. Second, I had to bribe (aka exchange money for services!) someone to get in. Third, HOW COULD MY FULL NAME GET A FCKNG HIT!!!! HOW MANY JO ANN FRANCES DACUT MADARANGs ARE THERE IN THE PHILIPPINES!!!!!

On getting a massage: That massage got to be the most personal-space-invading moment in my entire 24-year life. Yes I know it was a massage place and I should've expected to be touched but, in my defense, I did not expect the masseuse to request that I remove my shorts off. Yep. And I even gave the personal-space-invading masseuse a 25% tip.

On my weird walking: If you see me hobble around for the next few days, I'm not blaming that personal-space-invading massage (see above). The limp is equal parts because of an old knee and hip injury, unfamiliarity with running during basketball training and me putting on a lot of pounds. I hope to shed some off come Portia Ball. Wish me luck. ;)

On The Wolf of Wall Street: I get why Leo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill were nominated for an Oscar as Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor, respectively, and the movie didn't get a nod for cinematography and film editing. The movie was fine until it decided to not end, and be 3 hours long. Props to Matthew McConaughey for delivering the most-impactful-for-less-number-of-minutes not-a-cameo performance and this catchy tune.

(Photo from Paramount Pictures)

On the upside, (1) I had lunch with my mother and two brothers (I even had a brownie to bring home!), and (2) had a batchdate with, well, batch mates.

Busy day.



PS: Thank you for caring enough to read this.

Deers can hope

The deer has learned one very important lesson from the great hit-and-run of 2008: distance is the key to surviving avoiding another hit-and-run. Whenever the deer sees a bright headlight coming in its direction, the deer is quick to hide in the shadows of the forest. It hides until the headlights pass, as they normally do. The deer has perfected the art or skill of running away from headlights, regardless of their intensity or speed. This perfection has, however, made the deer complacent. It has stopped being wary of other headlights. The kind of headlights that don't meet deers head on, at the speed of light. The kind of headlights that linger.

The headlights of 2008 came at the deer with great intensity that it blinded the young deer to the point of oblivion. The headlights of 2012 came at the deer at the slowest pace possible but still managing to startle the deer because of its on-and-off nature. No matter how good the deer became at tiptoe-ing, it wasn't enough to protect the deer from getting hit.

This new headlights linger. It doesn't come at the deer at a blinding pace nor a very slow pace. It doesn't come at the deer, at all. It lingers around the deer--sometimes to the point where the deer is not aware of its existence. The headlights has lingered long enough for the deer to be at ease--comforted, even--by the headlights' presence. Oftentimes, the deer doesn't even look at this lingering headlights as a headlight--something to be afraid of--but, rather, as a friendly forest creature. Almost like another deer.

And this is how the deer found itself being struck again by headlights.

Headlights can strike unsuspecting deers from wherever, however.

The deer understands how dangerous this situation could be--another hit-and-run waiting to happen--but the deer, knowing that the headlights had already made its imprint on the deer, could only look up to the sky and hope, "Please, don't let this be another hopeless, painful hit-and-run."


-------------------------

Unfortunately, other entries in the Deer Struck by Headlights series are now gone because Multiply closed down. I hope to find inspiration to continue this very interesting series here.

2013

Every year since 2007, I post a review on Multiply about the year that passed, and rate that year with stars--5 stars being the best. Sadly, Multiply closed down, and along with its closure went my reviews for 2007, 2009, 2010 and 2011. Those reviews are forever lost but I'll continue that tradition here. 

Photo by Niko Geronimo

Recent years have taught me two things. One, life gets harder as we get older. The challenges just take on a different form. A different demon to slay. Two, there's no surefire, time-perfected way to slay these demons; we slay these demons in ways that best work for us.

This year's nastiest demon came in the form of me being nearly kicked out of law school. Regardless of the wisdom of the QPI rule and the lack of due process that aided its passage, bottom line is, I was one of the 110 students that were affected  by its implementation. Through human and divine intervention, I was one of the fortunate few who got past it, and was given a new lease on my life as a student of Malcolm Hall. I know I shouldn't look at a gift horse in the mouth and, instead, be thankful for this blessing. I am.

However, I cannot celebrate this victory because in this battle I have lost valuable comrades. Long gone were the familiar, trustworthy faces and assuring smiles that used to make classes almost enjoyable, recitations and exams survivable, and law school, in general, bearable. The effects of this loss will be felt more, I think, in 2014 and the succeeding years. Because of this, 2013 sucked big time.

On a positive note, I continued to improve on being sociable and being happy. I was able to strengthen my bond with my best friends, made new ones, turned down friendships I think were not going to last, and cut ties that needed cutting. I was able to follow (sort of) the honesty/happiness timeline I made for 2013. The results were better than I expected--this is one of the very few reasons 2013 rocked--so I will continue to go on this timeline for 2014.

Last year, I had this to say about 2013:

Finally, I hope 2013 will be a year of courage, of wanting to try new things...again.

Although 2013 was a year of courage, that courage wasn't spent trying new things but pushing my self past the harder challenges that went my way. Again, in this aspect, 2013 bombed.

Because 2013 sucked more than it rocked, I give it 3 stars. 

Like always, I hope 2014 will be a better year, which won't really take a lot considering how ugly 2013 was. But this time, I'm specifically hoping that 2014 will be the year I will be able to de-compartmentalize aspects of my life that don't need compartmentalizing; to reconcile things that I thought were impossible to reconcile.

Quintet 11: My Favorite Kind of Vampire

Quintet is a bi-monthly periodic music review of any five songs I happen to come across/stumble upon, or were recommended, any how, any time. Suggestions from readers are most welcome because music deserves to be shared. Let me be your convert or critic.


I can say that this year's long Christmas break was the most productive I've spent in recent years. I caught up on TV show episodes I missed, read classics (although this was less of a voluntary decision on my part and more of me trying to be the #BestSisterintheWorld *wink*) and listen to albums that came out in 2013.

I browsed through different top-albums-of-2013 lists and Vampire Weekend's Modern Vampires of the City topped Pitchfork's Top 50 list. I listened to it and was surprised at how good it was. I regretted the day I dismissed my friend Gina's* suggestion to listen to this album when it came out sometime in May 2013. I shall never doubt any of her recommendations from here on in.

Before I continue, I feel that I have to make a disclaimer. This review cannot, and does not even attempt to, match the beautiful way in which Lindsay Zoladz of Pitchfork wrote about Modern Vampires of the City. Here's an excerpt:

Modern Vampires is such an overwhelmingly humane album that it makes all those words that used to stick to them [Vampire Weekend] (elitist, pretentious, preppy) seem outmoded, too... Maybe what this album is really breaking up with is dogma—anything that limits the scope of your perspective and what (or who) you can love... We are moving in the direction of a place where everybody is allowed to love everything.

If those words can't convince you to give the album a try, I hope this Quintet will help.

These are my Top 5 songs from the album Modern Vampires of the City:

5 Everlasting Arms
Sometimes vagueness can be good. Everlasting Arms' ambiguity of meaning gives it a relate-able quality. It can be about God, the person you love or even death. This song's quirky beat adds to its mystery.


4 Young Lion
Internet research told me that this song was written by guitarist/keyboardist and backing vocalist Rostam Batmanglij after lead vocalist Ezra Koenig told him that, during the stressful final weeks of finishing the band's second album Contra, a complete stranger stopped Ezra while he walking to the studio, and said, "You take your time, young lion." It's now the coda to the Modern Vampires. A final message of hope.

I liked this song or coda for its simplicity--it only has the words You take your time, Young Lion as lyrics--and skill. It shows off the excellent skills of keyboardist Rostam. After listening to eleven tracks with lyrics which could mean anything and everything, Young Lion is a fitting end. The calm after the storm, so to speak.


3 Obvious Bicycle
The calm and controlled beat of this song is a refreshing contrast to the rest of the album (except for Young Lion). I think the song tells us not to be too hard on ourselves (we are, after all, ourselves' harshest critic) because in the grand scheme of things, we are merely dots in the universe (Ah you oughta spare your face the razor/Because no one’s gonna spare the time for you). More importantly, others' opinion of us shouldn't matter as well because we're not in this world to live by their opinions or focus on negative things, we are in this world to live (So listen oh/Don’t wait) and revel in the good (So keep that list of who to thank and mind/And don’t forget the rich ones who were kind).


2 Unbelievers
The song's meaning and message is heavy; it's beat is not. It balances out really well. Unbelievers asks existential questions about an unbeliever's place in a world of believers. (Got a little soul/The world is a cold, cold place to be/Want a little warmth/But who’s gonna save a little warmth for me?; Want a little grace but who’s gonna say a little grace for me?; But what holy water contains a little drop, little drop for me?; Want a little light/But who’s gonna save a little light for me?)

But ultimately, the song says, regardless of what/who we believe or don't believe in, we all end the same: we die; we turn to ashes (Girl, you and I will die unbelievers/Bound to the tracks of the train).

I’m not excited, but should I be?Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for me?

1 Step
Love at first hear. This is how I describe the way I fell in love with Step. The beat is quirky and attention-catching but it was the brilliant use of metaphor that completely won me over. Step speaks of the connection between music and man.

I completely relate to the way lead vocalist and composer Ezra treats his music--with protectiveness and, sometimes, selfishness. I liked listening to songs not everyone listened to. The lesser the fans, the better. I treat the music, the artists and the songs I discover as my secrets I refuse to share to the world (We saw the stars when they hid from the world/You cursed the sun when it stepped to your girl). Hence, my love for Tristan Prettyman, and Jason Mraz before he became too mainstream. But as I grow older, I realize that good music deserves to be shared (Your girl was in Berkeley with her communist reader/Mine was entombed within boombox and walkman/I was a hoarder but girl that was back then) and not sheltered (The truth is she doesn't need me to protect her). I can go on writing about the beautiful way the song is written but I do want you to find out on your own how great this song is for people who really love music.

It doesn't hurt that the lyric video for this song is beautiful, too.


As for the other songs on the album that didn't make my top five, here's what I think about them:

Diane Young
Aside from showing a great use of a homophone (Diane Young = dyin' young) and lyrics (You've got the luck of a Kennedy), this song also has good beat. Very catchy. Almost pop sounding. Reminds me a little of The Preatures' Is This How You Feel?

Don't Lie
For a song that tackles a constant, if not common, topic (one's readiness for death), this song does a good job. It starts with quesions (I want to know/Does it bother you?/The low click of a ticking clock; God's loves die young/Are you ready to go?) and ends on, I think, a positive note that despite the immediacy and frailty of life, one should live it to the fullest because we never know how long will be here (There's a lifetime right in front of you/And everyone I know).

Hannah Hunt
It's one of those songs that would be appreciated more and better if people just took time to really listen to what it says. It's rich with allusions and metaphors that deserve to be admired and understood.

Finger Back
A friend pointed out that she listens to Vampire Weekend more for their beats than their lyrics. Finger Back is, for me, a good example of this beats-trump-lyrics view.

Worship You 
I like the message of the song because it urges those who believe in God to do worship and prayer with energy and passion (Energetic praise you want it/Any kind of place you want it), and to do it out of love and faith--not fear.

Ya Hey
Zoladz of Pitchfork describes this song as a break-up song about God. Other says it is the counterpart of Unbelievers because it question's God's existence from the point of view of a believer. (Through the fire and through the flames/You won't even say your name/Only "I am that I am"/But who could ever live that way?) Beat-wise, this song is the catchiest.

Hudson
Someone pointed out that this song speaks vastly of New York City history. Since I'm not from there or have never been there, the song doesn't appeal to me that much as the other songs on the album did.


Modern Vampires of the City is a very good album. I suggest everyone to listen to it in its entirety because--and I quote Zoladz of Pitchfork--every track on here has its own weather. I'm sure everyone will find a song that floats their boat that others--not even me--liked. Who knows maybe Hudson is the song for you?


*Gina is also one of many friends who suggested Sherlock to me a while back.

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You may want to read other Quintet entries:

Quintet 10: You, Me and Dianna
Quintet 9: Music is my Mistress
Quintet 8: Music for the eyes
Quintet 7: Something old, something new
Quintet 6: Top 10 Performances from Glee's Season 4
Quintet 5: Original vs. Covers
Quintet 4: Radio
Quintet 3: GLEE-king out
Quintet 2: Holy Week Playlist
Quintet 1: Music to my ears

Quintet 10: You, Me and Dianna

Quintet is a bi-monthly periodic music review of any five songs I happen to come across/stumble upon, or were recommended, any how, any time. Suggestions from readers are most welcome because music deserves to be shared. Let me be your convert or critic.


This edition of Quintet will focus on the five best musical recommendations from movie and TV actress Dianna Agron. I had to pick out five I liked (because this is Quintet) but I suggest you go over her Twitter (@diannaagron) to see the various songs she recommended (or listened to at some point) which didn't make this list. From John Lennon's Look At Me to French singer Serge Gainsbourg to Oscar Isaac's Hang Me, Oh Hang Me to amazing covers (LP's cover of Beyonce's Halo and Pentatonix' cover of Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know) to this video of Don't Stop Believin' featuring Keenan Cahill, Dianna's Glee co-stars and Dianna herself.


Here are five songs I loved from Dianna Agron's musical recommendations:

1. Always Like This by Bombay Bicycle Club

 With lyrics like this (If I follow the light that I deem the brightest... it's always like this), you wouldn't go wrong. Although this band from London has a style of their own, they remind me of Fitz and the Tantrums--which is a good thing. Side note: Lead vocalist Jack Steadman eerily sounds like Kevin McHale from Glee.


2. All Eyes On You by St. Lucia

St. Lucia perfectly balances out a potentially sad set of lyrics with a very catchy and somewhat lively tune, and comes up with the just-right, All Eyes On You.


3. Is This How You Feel? by The Preatures

Watch this video and I'm sure you'll agree with me. To  paraphrase Veronica (@VeeHawl) on Twitter, if Haim, Chairlift and Fleetwood Mac had a stupidly catchy baby, it would be The Preatures.


4. Capital Cities

Dianna Agron impliedly recommended this LA band by posting a screen cap of the Capital Cities' "In A Tidal Wave of Mystery" album art. The whole album is worth listening to. It made my finals month last semester more bearable. But if I really have to narrow it down--maybe because you don't have time for the whole album (I pity you for missing out)--I pick Safe and Sound and Farrah Fawcett Hair as must-listen-tos. It's good shit.


5. Falling by Haim

The music of this trio (fun fact: they're sisters in real life!) from LA is frequently likened to Fleetwood Mac's (again!) but I think Haim is a mellowed down version of Florence + the Machine. Haim recently released their first album, Days Are Gone which features another good song, The Wire.


Other artists that didn't make the cut but deserve a second look and/or may get better with time are:

Polica. Their song Lay Your Cards Out made the Joss-Alex shower scene in The Mistresses steamier.

Cheers Elephant. Let this You, Me & Charlie article on the band convince you.

The Killers, if only for their Just Another Girl video which featured the amazing Dianna Agron as Brandon Flowers. Go watch it and give yourself a heart attack.

I leave you with this amazing screen cap of Dianna Agron in Just Another Girl.

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You may want to read other Quintet entries:

Quintet 9: Music is my Mistress
Quintet 8: Music for the eyes
Quintet 7: Something old, something new
Quintet 6: Top 10 Performances from Glee's Season 4
Quintet 5: Original vs. Covers
Quintet 4: Radio
Quintet 3: GLEE-king out
Quintet 2: Holy Week Playlist
Quintet 1: Music to my ears